if I were married last night…

I tossed and turned for hours last night.
I couldn’t get comfortable- I kept bunching up pillows and stuffing them under my body, trying to bring some sort of relieve to my stiff, aching back.
I ended up wrapping a twisted-up down comforter around my body until I found a position that was comfortable.
The ibuprofen I’d taken earlier had brought little relief and every breath felt like knives being jabbed into my spine.
Then I thought about how this scenario might play out if I were married.
Then I laughed at the possibilities.
Hopefully my future husband thinks it's as funny as I do.
I suppose it would have gone something like this:

Me- *whispering* Husband?
Silence.
Me- *whispering a bit louder* Husband.
Silence. Then snoring. Then more silence.
Me- *whispering loudly, almost talking* Husband!
Deep breath. Silence. Husband rolls over on his side.
Me- *fake loud, violent coughing, I sit up quickly and grab his arm like I’m choking*
Husband asks “Are you okay?”
Me- “Oh you’re awake? I totally thought you were sleeping. Would you mind cracking my back? I can’t breathe.”