Nothing like a blog on marriage written by a girl who's not married.

Saturday evening I was sitting on the couch, talking to my boyfriend about our schedules, when we’d be able to get together next and generally just talking about how busy we both are. What I said next just came right out of my mouth, and I admittedly didn’t grasp how true and honest it really was, nor have I been able to shake the thought since. I said to him, “My life doesn’t really have space for a boyfriend. I’m a very selfish person, and I’m very used to it.” I then kissed his cheek and told him about how I was looking forward to the challenge of carving out time to spend together during the week and that he’s totally worth it (awww!!).

I haven’t been able to shake this. And about twenty minutes ago, it hit me as to WHY this has resonated with me so strongly…

Are you ready?

Here it is.

Are you sitting down?

I hope so…



It occurred to me that this will likely be what most of my future arguments with this man are going to revolve around: I am a selfish, selfish person. I don’t like doing things for other people and I get annoyed when I have to rearrange my agenda to accommodate the needs of others. I enjoy doing what I want, when I want, without having to “check in” with anyone. I go to bed when I want. I get up when I want. I sleep sideways on my bed if I feel like it. (I really do). My schedule, for the most part, is about me.

I’ve heard John Piper talk about how marriage to an imperfect person is God’s way of showing us how selfish we truly are. It's about holiness. Not happiness... He’s probably right…

But I’m not a wife right now.

I’m a girlfriend.

I’m just looking down the road and seeing how God is going to use marriage (someday) to break, refine and shape me. I’m peeping my eye through a key hole and almost groaning. Not that I think marriage won’t be awesome- there’s TONS of stuff I’m looking forward to (ahem!), but it’s the refining part that makes me groan and just KNOW “I’m gonna be in so much trouble.” That poor man (my future husband) is going to have his hands full.

I know to a lesser degree he’ll use this dating relationship to make me better. I’ll need to learn to be flexible. I’ll be learning healthy boundaries.

Hear me on this- I’m not waiting til I get married to work on my selfishness. This isn’t “his (my future husband's) problem”- God has brought this to my attention because it’s obviously something he’s addressing in my heart NOW. I’m just saying. I know myself. I know I need to be more flexible. I need to hold my time a little less tightly and be more willing to put aside my wants and needs to help my friends, specifically my roommate, with things they need and want.

I want to love more, and I believe that as I seek to serve God, he’ll open my eyes to opportunities to serve and love on those around me.

1 John 4:11-12 "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."